Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Whine #4: Your Call is Very Important to Us

Sure, that’s why they put me on hold for thirty minutes; otherwise, I’d be hanging for sixty.     



My call is so important to them that while I’m on the line, they blast me with blather about company specials, sales, interest rates… you name it.  That done, they follow with what is euphemistically called “music” but more resembles the beating of pots and pans…

 … and the bleating of cattle, all set at a decibel level equal to what OSHA describes as “construction site noise,” a rating that mandates workers wear ear protectors.

What would be real music to my ears is SILENCE!  Remember silence?  Once it was golden. Now it’s platinum.

So I wait…and wait… until finally -- because my call is very important to them -- I am transferred to a Sales Rep in Jharkhand. He can’t understand me, and I can’t understand him.  He hangs up on me before I can hang up on him! Damn!        
It’s enough to drive a sane person crazy, and it does. The American Psychiatric Institute warns that the Call Center Derangement Syndrome (CCDS) and the Customer Service Unhinging Disorder (CSUD) are currently reaching epidemic levels.

I pondered:  how can I beat the system and avoid CCDS or CSUD? 

I tried the Spanish language option even though I don't speak Spanish.  A representative answered quickly, but when she heard English, I heard:  CLICK, followed by:

I was put at the end of the queue and notified that I had a twenty minute wait. I hung up and called the Order Department.  An English-speaking human quickly answered, but when I said I was calling about an existing order:  CLICK, followed by…

… but not as important as a new order.  I was dumped at the end of the line...and hung up.

I don’t know why I did what I did next.  Maybe I was hoping to find fellow-whiners on the road to Hell.  I googled “Your call is very important to us” and scrolled down:   songs, hate mail, death wishes, and a company called GetHuman (www.gethuman.com). 

GetHuman promised access to thousands of customer service numbers, e-mail addresses, online chat links and web-based support --when available --for users who do not like to talk on the phone.  And for those who preferred not to wait at all?  A link to a company rep who promises to call you back! 

And all FREE?    Unbelievable!

I decided to test GetHuman, typed in Bully Company, and up popped a phone number with menu directions.  Within a minute, a Bully Company Rep was on the line!   

God bless you, GetHuman.  You are the one (and maybe only) company that really believes my call is important! 

           The Bottom Whine: You tell me your whine, I'll tell you mine!            ************************************

Carol Mizrahi is the author of “Coming of Age...AGAIN,” a story about four friends who prove that with a mix of moxie, humor, wisdom, and a weekly mahjongg game, coming of age can happen more than once.


           “Where wit and wisdom meet.” (available at Amazon.com)


                   Paperback and e-editions available


  1. I wish GetHuman would work in Costa Rica too...

    Hey, happy 4th of July!! Wish I could be there eating some of Yoram's famous chicken. I had to settle for Yoram's bread for breakfast today!!!

  2. Wow! I am going to have check this out. I HATE those calls. Sometimes if you just press "0" it will take you straight to a person, but no always, nor nearly enough!

  3. This is hilarious! I also write a blog whose topic is Where's The Justice, which is shorthand for WTF!! I would love you to do a guest blog for me and I will post your website, hawk your book and blog! You are seriously funny, lady :) Get in touch with me from my web page http://www.jacquelinegum.com if you are interested. I'd be honored :)

  4. Carol, we think soooo much alike! I love all of these. Ever notice how the bra straps now stick out of your shoulder blades like you have erasers stuck to your skin? I always thought about writing stuff like this down, but now I don't have to. I will be buying your book. Can I get it from you autographed or do I have to go through Amazon? Keep making me smile, I appreciate it! Deirdre (www.deirdretolhurst.blogspot.com)

  5. So true--and that's what makes your post so funny! Thanks for the link to (possible) sanity. I'll try gethuman.com

  6. Now you phone will listen to their merry music on your behalf!
    The application waits for the operator's voice on the line and signals when this happens.